Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
