ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
