my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
