Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
