hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
