I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Acid is not a monday night drug
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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