Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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