if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
