we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
