i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
