I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
