Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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