i was born a porn star she said
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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