one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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