I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
4 words: hood of his car
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
