I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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