i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
