We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
