Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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