I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
