and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
