I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think I won the penis lottery.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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