i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
do herpes really smell.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
