Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
