p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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