It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
