I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
