Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
