um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
