he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
