This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
