you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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