OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
