Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I need a beard to bite.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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