I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
