I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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