Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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