he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
