it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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