she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
