I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
