Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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