His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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