So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
