She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
