Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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