This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
