I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
