Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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