you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
