there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
