I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
